Post #4: The Double Standard of Koalas

Shown above: cute, adorkable koala clinging to a tree

Koalas are cute, right? They're fuzzy little adorkable creatures--just look at that adorkable face in the picture above! Plus, they're Australian, and anything Australian is exotic and cool. But people love the adorkable side of koalas and hate the other side of koalas--the unseen, darker side.

For instance, koalas sleep over 20 hours a day. That's because they eat eucalyptus leaves, which provides them with basically no energy; these leaves may also be toxic to their systems, and they need that much sleep to recuperate. Koalas also may eat their own shit. They're like cuter versions of sloths. And people hate that. They only want to see the fuzzy, cute side of koalas. "Stop eating your own shit and be adorkable!" the tourists might say. In essence, koalas are part of an implicit circus, harassed by the ringmasters known as tourists.

This double standard of koalas deserves to be heard. Koalas don't need more hate; they need love and acceptance for who they are, as shit-eating, stupid creatures who sleep most of their lives off. The koalas of this world don't need even more shit in their shitty lives. The koalas of this world must not be forced to comply with a double standard that endangers both their lives and their dignity.

Koalas must meet many other double standards imposed by the dense ignoramus mindset of tourists. For example, koalas are commonly known as bears. They're not. They're marsupials. But because some idiot named them as koala "bears," koalas must meet both the standard of the "bear" and the standard of the "marsupial." As a result, koalas are rejected by both parties. This double standard, imposed by forces outside their control, defines who they are and what they believe in.

Koalas are cute and cuddly, at the expense of their health. Koalas are like drug-ridden prostitutes, who only serve to provide pleasure to the gluttonous humans despite their drug overdoses.

So let's help get rid of this double standard. Let's save the koalas from their own doom. Let's stop being ignoramuses and start seeing the forest, not just the eucalyptus trees.

Yes, this is an extended metaphor. But if you do want to help save actual koalas, I would check out the Australian Koala Foundation, where you can even "adopt" a koala (not literally, of course, but you'd donate periodically to help "save" a certain koala).